Journey to an Asperger's Diagnosis

I have contemplated writing this for sometime. Lately more and more people are coming to me asking just how we got Jayden diagnosed on the Autism spectrum as Asperger's Syndrome (Aspie for short) so I figured it may just be a little easier to write it and it may be easier to tell it when the next person asks. I mean, I understand, how many 11 year olds are "finally" diagnosed on the spectrum and getting the diagnosis they deserve to help them succeed in life? I am still learning, and will continue so every day of my life, just so I can understand this child that Our Maker created just for me.

They say hind sight is always 20/20, how that is soooo true!!

The first question always seems to be "When did you know there was something wrong?" First off, there is nothing "wrong" with my child, different yes, but not wrong. I would have to journey back to when he was 2 years old I knew there was something different, but I pushed it aside as a "terrible two" issue. The red flag warning should have been when I took Jayden in for a well-child physical, something had gotten Jayden so upset that he picked up the steel trashcan in the doctors office and threw it. Why? Not because he was a terrible child, because this visit to the doctor changed his normal routine. I quickly learned that even if I give a 2-year-old a 5 minute warning that things would be changing we could avoid melt-downs. Unfortunately I did not follow the recommendation of his doctor to get him evaluated, because again he was in his "terrible 2's".

So life continued for us, we added a sister into his life. That "change" was a difficult experience at best. I would always brush it off with well he got to spend 3 entire years just him and I. And 20 months later we added yet another sister to the mix. I took him to preschool when he was 4, it was then that I had a "problem" child. I never put the pieces of the puzzle together until first grade. The pieces fell into order when Jayden's first grade teacher left for maternity leave. Jayden simply could not and would not handle a substitute teacher, despite my lack of trying to tell him that this teacher deserved the same respect as his normal teacher. Almost on a daily basis I would get a call from the principal "Jayden flipped over his desk and chair and became very loud" nice words to describe him screaming huh?! Finally we got him to say, "She is not supposed to be my teacher!", There it was...he doesn't like substitute teachers. Second and Third grades were very similar except the fact that teacher's were not absent for maternity leave, they had meetings or sick days. The school by now knew his triggers, so to help avoid them they would place Jayden in one of the other second/third grade rooms with a teacher that is always there. Did it help? Maybe, but not a huge difference.

Bring on the fourth grade. From the beginning of the year I knew that this transition was going to be tough. We had moved within the same school district, but it was a different elementary school. New classmates to go along with a new teacher. I forewarned of Jayden's tendency to hate substitues. I got Jayden into counseling to help him ease into the school year because he was scared to death of being the new kid. So counseling was suppose to help him open up, but all it got me was, "he's such a good kid I don't see anything wrong." Really??!! OMG, so maybe you should TALK with him instead of letting him engross himself in moon-sand for the hour. She would come out and say "we really didn't discuss much, but we made up some cool sculptures with the moon sand." Trust me I get the benefits of play therapy, but how was this going to solve my morning battles of getting Jayden to school when he flat out said "No one likes me."? It did not help that out of 19 children Jayden was one of four white, English speaking students, I would imagine having an incredibly difficult time as well.

It was this time frame that he had "papers" due. We found a subject that intrigued him, the Titanic. I promise you, if you ask him about the Titanic you might just find your mind spinning. (that is if he is comfortable talking to you, if not your likely to get a shoulder shrug) He also has other "intense" areas of interest, video games (I wish I could chuck those stupid things!) he loves driving by cars and naming the make and model of vehicles, he briefly even entertained an interest in Amelia Earhart, but that wasn't loved as well as the Titanic, and did you know the Titanic had 2 sister ships that also suffered similar misfortunes??!

So yes, 4th grade sucked...but 5th grade was by far the most difficult. This teacher underwent back surgery right away the beginning of the year, so we started out with a bang...quite literally, he shoved desks around and snapped pencils in retaliation to these substitute teachers. I was horrified, didn't get it, I made him write apology letter after apology letter. Trips or calls from not only the principal, but another "regular" 5th grade teacher was almost on a weekly basis. OK, so we have established Jayden strongly prefers one teacher the teacher that was introduced to him on "back to school night" and despite reminding Jayden that your just going to have to deal with it, because teachers get sick just like kids do. Nothing seemed to click.

The second half of 5th grade was more difficult. There are things that happened that led to Jayden staying and completing the 5th grade at a different school. The same "triggers" repeated at this new school. This time there was another "new" symptom. Arguments over the words "toss" and "throw", "shut" or "slam" words that may sound the same to you or I, but these little words would cause serious big time, melt down, temper tantrum melt-downs. I thought temper tantrums stopped at some point??!! They do, as kids get older they are suppose to find other ways of communicating appropriately.

Jayden is also very affectionate towards myself and my mother, we always contributed this to the fact he is just a cuddle bug. However, looking at peers his own age, they are not kissing their parents in front of others (I remember when my mom asked for a kiss before dropping us off in front of the school, it was like are you kidding?! She finally would stop about 2 blocks from the school and have us exchange hugs and kisses then instead of in front of the school.) Jayden is 11, he is taller than I am (yes I know that is not a difficult feat) but he will still rest his head on my shoulder, chest or even lap. I get all the rewards I need from him in the form of hugs, kisses and cuddle time!!

So the bottom line, I have a very affectionate, loving Aspie child. There are challenges, but please tell me the name of one parent who doesn't have a hard time parenting at one point or another?! We as mom's we stick together, we help one another. I just happen to get the privilege of getting loved on a little longer than "normal" :)

This Aspie Journey journal is just beginning, I am sure there will be lots more fun in the coming future. If you have questions, please ask, I am not offended. Just know that there really is not a "typical" aspie child. They don't all have ADHD, and for some reason the school professionals thought they are intertwined...They are NOT!!




Ending it with a little funny, so Jason and myself took Jayden on a trip to the Amelia Earhart festival in Atchison, Kansas. Jason and I were talking about a bucket list, and we both agreed that we had to have a vacation in Hawaii before we kicked the bucket. Jayden was in the back, listening and finally asks "what bucket, I don't see a bucket!" That right there is your "typical" asperger's child they are VERY literal people!!

A Stranger's Perfect Timing

Some know, some don't know. The last 7 months of family life has taken a drastic turn. This so called path that life threw at us, had knocked us down to our knees begging for understanding, and so many cries to God for strength to get through just to get one more breath in to be able to move forward. Somehow, someway we are here today, stronger than we were, we see that light at the end of a very dark path. It is not officially over, but there is a new, perhaps even brighter path forming in front of us. (I apologize for how broad this is, but I am not yet ready nor do I know if I will ever be ready to share this chapter of my life with the world. There are a very few select friends that know and have shown me an overwhelming amount of support, each night I give thanks to The One above for these people).

Enter the month of June with me. The girls are in full swing of their 8U (8 and under) softball season. We versed this one team, one that stuck out for me because, one they had the same dark green uniform as our teams shirts, and two because there coach (or assistant coach) was so stinking loud and obnoxious, lets face it we all have encountered that person. All I could do was shake my head with disbelief with her sarcastic nature. She flat out yelled to a parent "Come on, in the 9 years you have known me, when do I shut my mouth?!" Whoa!!!

So our De Soto team keeps playing and we come out with 0 wins, the other De Soto team wins I believe 3 games, 2 of them to our team and one against another team. Now we have entered July, so when entering this Wellsville 8U tournament, even though we combined our 2 De Soto teams no one expected us to do well in the tournament. The second we got to the fields and settled down, I hear that dreaded loud voice again, all I could think was "oh, great its that team again." Somehow we won the first game, by 1 point, but its a win!! She came up and said "Good game De Soto" followed by that clearing the throat we know we will win over you type thing. All I could do was repeat her words back to her, we shared a brief smile and walked separate ways.

Day 2 of our tournament we thought we would play the winner of last nights other tournament and it ended up not being so. (wipe the sweat off the brow) Our girls pull out another win, 16-7 as a team we are all beaming with pride and go to the adjoining park to let the girls play some. Then here she comes, being loud as ever. Even though I tried to move away from her I somehow ended up right next her. She talks, I listen. She yells "Bean, what are you doing?!" we all look over and see a girl sliding down the slide doing the spreads (or splits, I get those 2 mixed up). So then we start talking gymnastics, Kaitlyn is a gymnastics enthusiast. We have her enrolled in a company that just told me they would not advance Kaitlyn because of her "attitude" but yet she still has all the skills mastered for this level. So I asked where she went, she told me but they are a competitive gymnastics, I know Kaitlyn is not ready for that just yet. She continues and says she has problems with companies because of the fact her daughter is missing a foot. (How completely ridiculous)

 The next night we had to verse her team, she is still loud but now I am seeing a different side to her, so I am becoming a bit more accepting. We win this 3rd and final game 10-8, we are the Champions of this tournament! We head to the park once again this time to celebrate with a cookie cake (from Sam's, it's a must try if you haven't had one!) and watermelon.

Here she comes again and she had to tell another child that it was ok to tell her son to get away from her. That he has Asperger's and sometimes he doesn't get the social cue to leave people alone. The word Asperger stood out about as much as I just bolded it for you. Jayden has had this "different" personality his entire life, it really wasn't until the last few years I began to question his development. He is still pretty clingy and as he ages it makes people feel uncomfortable. Not to mention that there is a clear delay in reading, but the school is blaming on fluency problems.

I release this part of me, and ask her how she knew, how did she find out? She just said let me get your number and I will get you a number. She walked away and came back. This time Jayden was standing right beside me. I just introduced them "I said Donna, this is Jayden." Its like a light switch in her demeanor had switched, her posture even changed. She held out her had and said "Jayden, my name is Donna, its so very nice to meet you." Jayden just gave an awkward smile in return. He stepped back and she looks at me in my face, and says "I definitely see it. She turns to Jason and says be prepared for not many nice things to come of this." Her son, her precious child is 13, has a 4.2 GPA but is the subject of torment at school. She told me that her son refuses to go into the locker rooms at school, kids twist his chest and poke him. He has even come home on three separate occasions and wanted to kill himself.

This is where the differences are coming into play, Jayden lacks not only social skills but academic skills as well (maybe this is why it's been a difficult journey to the Asperger's diagnosis, as Asperger children tend to be known as mini professors because of their outstanding abilities) It appears to be true for Donna, however. Just ask Jayden about the Titanic and you might find yourself amazed at his knowledge of that.

So while I am scared of the official diagnosis, (his assessment is planned for July 19) How life has lead me to this loud, obnoxious lady is beyond me. It is not my position to question it either, just accept it, and embrace it. She has walked this walk, and I finally have met another person who understands this difficult portion of life. We exchanged numbers and have already been texting this morning :)

My love for Jayden will never change, he will always be my baby boy and I only hope for the absolute best for him. Jason said something to Donna last night and her response blew me away. Jason said "It's ok, we will get him (Jayden) fixed." Donna shook her head no and said "no, he's fine there is nothing to fix because he is perfect."

After a fun Summer comes an Update!

Summer was such a whirlwind of FUN!!! I love taking my kids to places to explore, to learn, and most importantly have a wonderful fun bonding experience. These are the years my kids are going to look back on and know that their life is beautiful, even under the worst of scenerios. Here are a few snapshots of over the summer, I must admit that many times I opted to leave behind the baggage (AKA camera) and focus on the here and now.

And now, Fall is going to be upon us soon, and that means those BEAUTIFUL, vibrant, colorful leaves that I find myself more and more attracted to each year that passes. Mother Nature is certainly a force to be reckoned with (both good and bad!) I know I will be bringing out the camera more to capture the colors of Autumn.

Love & Blessings to all :)

{PS...The end group of photos are edited with the help of a Photoshop Action set that I am THE PROUD OWNER OF....Bohemian Symphony Collection. I can see the difference and it is AMAZING to say the least. You can visit her page here, www.ohsoposhphotography.com check her out, I promise you will LOVE her, she is such an inspirational woman who prides herself in offering help to others. A trait I find highly admirable.}

Spring is springing!

Yes, Spring has started to spring. It seems that we are taking 1 step forward and 2 back. Yesterday the Kansas City metro reach a high of 91, today so far 46 and we have a wind chill of 34. How can this be??!! I want constant beautiful weather, the kind of weather you can walk outsidee barefoot if you don't have 4-legged animals that like to leave behind their treasures, if you know what I mean, but I do adore flip-flops!!

In a little under 2 weeks my son and I will be going to Florida, sounds like we are instore for a great time and hopefully the weather will be much more accomidating to my wishes of warmer weather. In the meantime the trees are starting to show bits of green, some are flowering, I do hope they continue and will not be harmed by the potential freeze that is instore for us tonight. I still can not wait to get my kiddos all dressed up in their Sunday best and take to the land of Kansas to get some fab spring photos. If I wasn't sick yesterday you bet your bottom dollar it would have been given a try yesterday. So I wrapped myself in my coat and marched outside to take a few snapshots of the beginnings of Spring, my most favorite time of year!

Kansas City Union Station

I LOVE this place. In the modern day we seem to rush by so quick buildings are becoming "up to date" and everyone seems to want to update their surroundings. The Union Station brings you back in time nearly the second you walk inside this place. It is magical, glorious and just breath-taking. Seems so odd to me that so long ago this place was buzzing with travelers and the only way to travel was by train. This place seems to dwarf people. If I could I really would spend an entire day in that place simply soaking in it's beauty, the beautiful architecture, the massive doorways, the amazing chandeliers and the most favorite part for me, the ceiling.

I have been having problems with my camera and in between shots it will read "Error 99, please turn the camera off and on again or take out and replace battery" so needless to say I couldn't take the time to do this with 3 kids anxiously awaiting visiting Science City, conveniently located in/near the Union Station. Hopefully I can go with out kids and with a properly functioning camera sometime.

This last photo is of a photo inside the Union Station back in the day, so the last 2 photos are of the same area, just a whole lot of time has passed between the 2. Amazing right?! If ever in the Kansas City area, I strongly encourage this to be on your list of places to visit!

My favorite time of the year is upon us

Spring!!! Who doesn't love spring, well ok don't answer that because I will tell you it is my son. My son has severe allergies to tree pollen. So along with beautiful new spring greens starting to sprout, my son gets swollen eyes, full body hives and asthma, poor kiddo. I still can't seem to contain my joy for this time of year, good bye brown, hello color!!!

So do what I want to do so badly, go out, walk smell the fresh air, look for the pops of color coming, at least in the Kansas City metro area showing up. When a bit more color comes out and I can escape the house, I plan on brining out that camera of mine and having a clicking good time!!

Blizzard 2011 in Kansas City

Here we are the first day of February, and the biggest storm that many meteorologists claim to have seen. I coming from the Northern area of Iowa, it is not. It is a reminder of why I hate snow, I mean yes it is pretty, but the wind that makes it blow is not pretty, and the cold temps that snow requires is far from pretty. I always get excited for the first snow fall, but any additional snow...forget it!! Schools cancelled classes for today last night and already have cancelled school for tomorrow. The kids may enjoy their snow days now, but I don't think they will like any make-up days they have coming!

So for my friend in Little Rock who is only experiencing thunderstorms, these pictures were taken in the comfort of my garage, because I am too afraid I will ruin either my camera or my lens.